Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Fortunate Life...REALLY!

So the past two years have been really rocky for me and my family. Those who follow my meanderings on here know that my Mom died in 2011 after a hard fought battle with lung cancer. Those who know me IRL know that in 2012 my Father died as well. I got a year and a week with him before he went to be with my Mom. He was not sick, it was very sudden and unexpected. It was also very difficult to deal with.

He died at his fishing "camp" and he had been out with his friends fishing the day he died. He died on July 19, but he was found on the 20th so that is the date in his death certificate. That bugs me no end.

I am finding it very hard to be an "orphan". I know that a 40ish mother of three can't really be called an orphan, but that is what I feel like. It is very easy to get bogged down with feeling sorry for myself. I am the last one standing. Of my Nuclear Family, Dad, Mom, Brother, Me... I am the only one left alive.

I have spent the last half of 2012 fighting that feeling. I stopped doing many of the things I enjoyed and that I used to get through my Mom's death. I stopped writing here, I stopped taking pictures for my 365 project, I stopped baking and crafting. I stopped volunteering in the girls schools, I even mostly stopped taking care of the house. It was all I could do to take care of my family and myself.

Then a day or so ago I came back and looked at this blog. I snorted and mumbled, Fortunate Life, my FOOT! Then I looked up at Mojo and the girls, I looked around my beautiful home and thought of my friends and loved ones who have been through so much with me and stuck by me over the last two years. I looked at Big Man and thought about how he loves me with all of his doggy heart, and I realized that yes I AM fortunate. So much more fortunate than I really deserve.

And so 2013 is going to be a year of awareness for me. A year of really feeling how very very fortunate I really am. A year of healing and reaching out to show how much I love those close to me. A year of being thankful for all the blessings that are in my life.  And I hope you come along for the journey with me.